we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
