ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Thank you for not boning my boss.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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