I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
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My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
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Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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