On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
