By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
