...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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