so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
