Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
