Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
