just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
even my farts smell like vagina
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
