where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My bed smells like the plague
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
