new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
