I just cut my nipple shaving
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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