yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
