The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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