walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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