carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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