i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
