Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
