what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
