meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
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