I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i will never coherently bang her
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
