i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
