Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
