At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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