I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
porn star boner night. come get it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
