I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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