so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
