you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
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