I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
