if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
