i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
