What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
