Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
