We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
