he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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