Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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