if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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