office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Alive.
So much puke
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
