3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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