Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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