Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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