She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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