we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm too high and old for this...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
