did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
