I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we made out on top of his cat.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
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you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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