oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
