Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
it's like heaven, but drunker
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I would ride that face into the sunset
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
