I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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