I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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