dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
