i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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