dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
