Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
