Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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