I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
