i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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