Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
