i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
