she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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