38 yer olds are good kisserssss
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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