So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
