My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
