I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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