We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
