Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
