By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
