his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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